A couple of days later, I had a failed spinal injection and a cervical spine surgery a few days after that. I was immobile, catheterized, and laid on a 24-hour ice machine... totally dependent on others. That was a seminar in itself, simply to learn deep surrender and to become graceful at receiving help. It activated a fibromyalgia episode, which I had previously put into remission, and it made all the nerve pain seem magnified on steroids. 

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FOUR MONTHS LATER

Four months later, after painful rehabilitation, the burning sensation that ran down my arm, returned. Three of the discs in my neck had ruptured, so I returned to surgery and had a three-level cervical spinal fusion with a titanium plate and eight screws. After another long and painful healing, I tore the cartilage in my right shoulder. Another surgery ensued... a couple of anchors were put in my shoulder to reattach the cartilage and back to physical therapy, I went. Equipped with a neoprene wrapped, metal waist band that held my arm at 45-degrees from the ground and 20-degrees away from my body, twenty four hours a day, for eight weeks. I learned how much leverage

meant to me one day as I sat on the floor, trying to open a jar of peanut butter between my feet, with one arm in a brace and the other nerve damaged, hand trying to open the bottle. I cried for lunch. I thought about all the people that didn't have arms, and that this was temporary and would return eventually.

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USING PAIN TO ALCHEMIZE WISDOM

As I was rehabilitating from that third surgery, I was struck by shingles. It is as painful as the rumors infer and I felt knocked out in the boxing ring of life. After getting on and off of opiates three times post surgery, I didn't want to take any during the shingles, as the sickness and subsequent withdrawals were brutal. So, I suffered through it. I thought about not getting up again. I felt deflated, depressed and wanted to stay down, so I wouldn't risk getting knocked out again. I made my way through the long dark nights of my soul, and learned my version of being burned to the ground only to become the phoenix rising. I used the pain and my long recovery time to reinvent myself and to alchemize my experiences into wisdom, compassion, support and encouragement for others. 

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TEN YEARS LATER​

My face started burning and my neurosurgeon had to puncture a walnut sized cyst on my brain, alone, during Covid, right before fifteen deaths including; my father and brother, close family members, friends and clients, within a two year period. A year later, my partner and I moved to Oregon to be close to my son who struggled with schizoaffective- disorder, so I could be closer, to care for him.

 

Over those years, I was challenged beyond my capacity. I lost balance with my ground, my footing, my sense of self. I was drowning in grief and pain. My finances, relationship, health, business, self esteem and hope were challenged to the extreme. Still, I held onto the light of remembering who I was, at the core of me; an indestructible being of infinite atomic material. I prayed and meditated, cried and journaled, hurled and held myself, as I allowed life to put me back on my knees and off any high-horse of willfulness that had both been my saving grace and my demise. 

 

SUFFERING BROUGHT ME TO STUDY HEALING

It was my own personal suffering that brought me to health studies in the first place. I had ulcerative colitis at a young age. I struggled with it on and off since I was 18 years old. Excruciating pain, intestinal bleeding, embarrassment. When my friends were out playing and enjoying life, I was home experimenting with foods that wouldn't hurt me and hours on the toilet in pain. I endured thousands of needles from acupuncture, disgusting herbal blends to drink and a deep sense of loneliness. I weighed 25 pounds more than I weigh now (I'm 5'2",picture the largest Thanksgiving turkey, carved up and packed onto my tiny frame). My complexion was an alien shade of olive green due to lack of nutrient absorption. I had endometriosis, severe chemical and environmental allergies, that cyst on my brain threatening me on and off for years, fibromyalgia and after a couple of car accidents and working on my feet as a hairdresser for most of my life, my body finally crashed and the surgeries ensued.

 

DIAGNOSED A HYPOCHONDRIAC

Many of the Western Doctors I saw as a child had labeled me a hypochondriac. Other's followed suit and called me a drama queen or Sarah Heartburn. When my intestines started bleeding and I gained weight and my skin turned green, they said ulcerative colitis was an incurable disease and I would need to be on medication the rest of my life. That didn't seem like a satisfying solution or one that dealt with the origin of my illnesses. I started looking for other solutions. I experimented with food as medicine and used my own body and its responses as my laboratory. Experimenting with the current nutrition and dietary trends of the time, I tried being a vegetarian, vegan, food combining, fermented foods, paleo, pescetarian, therapy, transformational seminars, meditation and more. Most importantly, I learned to stop calling myself names, perpetuating self-invalidation and to stop being angry at my symptoms. Instead I started to relate to them as alarm clocks or dashboard lights that communicated the imbalances that needed tending. 

 

DISCOVERING THE WHOLE BODY CONNECTION

My friend Neal Stuart Miller, (now, Doctor of Acupuncturist and owner of Studio City Oriental Medical Center), introduced me to Oriental Medicine. I was struck with joy when this ancient wisdom seemed to explain how the whole body and all it's systems are all connected. It clarified a picture of seemingly random symptoms that created a pattern of dis-ease. Elated at this discovery, I registered in a master's program at Emperor's College of Traditional Oriental Medicine in Santa Monica, CA. I thought I had found the answers to my pain, the promise of my healing, as well as my personal calling. I was ecstatic to think I knew what I wanted to do when I grew up and how I would live a life of contribution, at such a young age. After a few great years of study and continued personal treatments, I found myself disappointingly, still unwell. I had discovered through therapies and other mental and spiritual work that no amount of herbs or needles were as positively powerful as the negative poisons of my inner attack, self loathing and sense of unworthiness.  

 

STUDYING DEEPER MEDICINE

I went on to study transformational, metaphysical, spiritual and psychological theories and learned to truly 'love myself to health', using all the many methods at my disposal. There have been many big "aha" moments in my life that have left me feeling like I could have some power over my own healing, and now I love to lead people to them.

 

I am no stranger to this process, the long and winding road of recovery requires diligence, patience and a focus on progress, NOT perfection. I've learned to become sensitive enough to hear the changing seasons within and I have practice at providing myself with the proper environment for healing. Symptoms of disease, are just that, a symptom telling us that there may be dis-ease in the life, that manifests itself in the body. This is not to say that all DISEASE is somehow our fault or that if we find the panacea, we will be healed and get an A+ in life class. No, we can't possibly understand the reasons we have what we have, or the importance of our experience on our own souls or on the lives of others around us. I've heard it said that "everything happens for a reason."  I don't know if that is true, but I do strongly believe that there is an opportunity in everything that happens, and that it can be an opportunity to learn, and that, at least give me some power.

 

The part that we do possibly play though, is that if we didn't catch earlier communication stages where the body is asking for, or needing something, we may be contributing to our own pain and those pains may continue to grow louder. Often times, the symptoms are not the problems, and symptoms management, is not the only solution. The symptom is the clue. Health is not just the absence of disease, it is also a healthy response to imbalance which we are swinging in, most of our lives. I can help you hear yourself and love yourself enough to respond.

 

LOVE OURSELVES TO HEALTH

I often find that many of us are overwhelmed with the sense that we need to eat healthier foods, have a healthier lifestyle and a better attitude. If knowing were enough, we would all do it. I believe that sometimes we need a guide and perhaps a cheerleader to help us set our goals; someone to be accountable to and someone to provide support. It is not easy to hone in on what the definition of healthy is for each and everyone of us and to know how to provide ourselves with what we need. The 'health language' is not fluent to everyone, we all need support so that we can see the forest through the trees.

 

The real question is not, can I do what I need to do, the real question is, CAN I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH to walk in the direction of my healing, to seek help, and to be satisfied with leveling-up my life in a new direction and to celebrate my progress. Many people wish for a magic wand to fix our problems once and for all, but most of our problems took time to develop and they take time to dismantle. 

 

If you have health issues, this may be your road to awakening and self-love. If you are wanting optimal health and want to harness the powerful tools of thought, alignment with nature, super foods and thoughts, then this is a worthy road to take. Through compassion, intention and a loving supportive space, I help you remember your true, brilliant nature and to re-claim it as your own. Not everyone has been given the road of physical ails as their road to enlightenment. If this is yours, then I can walk by your side and help you see all the blessings in this road. If it is emotional and spiritual, I can walk with you through that,  After all, what is ours, is here, and acceptance is the first key to change and to peace.

 

MAKING A DIAMOND

It takes tremendous heat and pressure to turn a lump of carbon into a diamond. Sometimes, it takes the heat and pressure of life to forge our human experiences into gems of wisdom. It is this wisdom that we use to get through hard times and to be an inspiration and contribution to others. It is also the gift given to us as compensation for the hard human race that we qualified for, by being conceived and born. 

 

LET ME SUPPORT YOU 

​​​Feel free to book a complimentary 30-minute consultation where  you can also get your questions answered and to see if we are the right fit.